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HGM

Chasing adventure & living mindfully while parenting through mental illness


Breccan's Birth Story

Breccan's Birth Story

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As my due date nears, I can't help but reflect on Breccan's Birth story. It was not the ideal experience, and I am taking some steps this time to try and make it a bit less unpleasant. However, in the end, I do feel like I learned a lot from it. I took a lot of empowerment from it - I put up with a lot of pain for a long time, and I got through it.Here's what I wrote shortly after Breccan's birth:Breccan had been measuring small since our 28 week appointment, but had been growing steadily since then. At my 36 to 38 week appointments, suddenly my belly measurements were all over the place. They decided to have an ultrasound to see a more detailed growth picture. Sure enough, the ultrasound indicated that he had Intrauterine Growth Restriction. Since I was 38 weeks + 5, they decided "better out than in", so I went into the hospital that evening to start induction.They put my husband and I in a small laboring room. It wasn't a full delivery suite because there was no way of knowing if I'd be a few hours or a few days. My midwife inserted a Cervadil capsule around 10 pm. At the time, I thought I would be heading home after an hour of monitoring. However, I ended up staying because Breccan's heart was not measuring great. We tried to get some sleep, but contractions kicked in around 2 am, and continued all night, albeit irregularly.By 10 am when our doula-in-training arrived, contractions were quite strong. I didn't know it at the time, but they were measuring as strong as the pitocin contractions I would have later. I was humming and moaning through them, but I was also feeling them in my back. I had to have constant external monitoring, so there were few positions I could get into where the monitors would stay on. Time got kind of fuzzy, as I was living contraction through contraction.At around noon I think they decided it was probably time to check me to see how the first Cervadil had worked. This is where things got complicated. When they tried to check my cervix, the Cervadil had made my vaginal canal so raw that I was in excruciating pain from the check. It's a common side effect to have some rawness, but I guess my reaction was really really extreme. The OB couldn't even get two knuckles in without me screaming in agony. Checking with my midwife, I guess this extreme of a reaction is not at all the norm, and means I'm not recommended to use Cervadil again.At this point, they couldn't check me, and they couldn't insert another Cervadil. They recommended that we just wait for my water to break to ensure I was in active labor. I was GBS+ so they didn't want to break my water artificially. I also couldn't use any pain medication except the gas because for all they knew I was too far dilated. Around 2 pm, the Cervadil suppository dropped out, which at least gave me some indication that things were moving along. I also had bloody show around this time.Around 4 pm, I was feeling completely done in. I had passed the point of dealing with the pain and was at the "suffering" point. I went to the bathroom, and, mid-contraction, I started talking to my baby. I told it (we hadn't found out the sex) that I couldn't handle any more, and that he or she had to take over because I was done. I left the bathroom, lied back down, strapped back in to the monitors, and suddenly my water broke.We called the nurse, who suggested I get an epidural so they could check exactly how far along I was. I burst into tears of joy because I just wanted it to be over. Nick even cried because he didn't want me suffering anymore. Thanks for listening, Breccan! They moved us to the delivery room, and 30 minutes later, they placed the epidural (not painful, just hard to hold still during contractions!).A new OB came in to check me, and I was 5 centimeters. Unfortunately, the baby was also sunny side up. They suggested I try and lie on my side to get him to move. I ended up passing out and sleeping for an hour or so. They checked me again when I woke up, and I was at 10 cm! They suggested we wait to push to see if the baby would turn. A few minutes later, the baby's heartrate started to drop significantly. They had me move around as best I could, basically do rolls on the bed to move the baby off the cord in case that was the problem. It was scary, and I thought for sure we were heading for a c-section. Luckily his heart picked up, but it was decided I should start pushing. I don't have a great recollection of pushing. Nick coached me since I couldn't feel much. I tried every position in the book, and my midwife placed a finger near my perineum to help me focus on where to push. Once she did that, my pushing got very productive, but the baby got stuck because of his position. After 3 hours of pushing, we decided to use forceps to turn the baby to get him out.Breccan made his exit at 8:40 pm on August 27th. He came out screaming, and continued to wail for at least 20 minutes. He was 5 lbs 10 oz, and 18 inches long. I found out later that I am truly lucky to not have had a c-section with the combination of induction, IUGR, and malposition. I had a light 3rd degree tear, mostly from his head, not the forceps.image


38 weeks

38 weeks


Baby Items Dream Splurge

Baby Items Dream Splurge